Hate Me or Love Me

It's official. I've watched The Dark Knight 3 times on big screen. Not my normal habit laa. I guess I know a good movie when I see one. The Joker is crazy but he drops mad quotables dowh and Batman is so cold and bold. Perfect. A so nice, sweet, or pious hero doesn't exist anyways and I don't see any reasonable purpose for them to exist. That's pure fairy tale shit. Not my cup of tea. And yes, his batvoice is cool to me. Tried it and it sure scares the crap out of people.

Friday was a blast. Been a while since such nites occured. A dark nite of constant smoke-generating, speed limit surpassing, wrong road choosing, oil wasting, money spending, bad joke laughing, and romance for the pairs. Shit I even heard a whisper while I was driving, "Weh, mamat ni bawak laju gila dowh. Ko x perasan ke?" and the other dude went like "Aku perasan ah. Tu r. Aku tengah doa r ni!". Gimme a break. 140 je pon.

So so mafioso baby

Parking Lot Pimps

p/s: Heard the word on the streets. No curses required for this one. Go ahead and hate me. I don't know whether you're gettin' paid for that or it's sincerely from your owh-so-divine heart. Haha. Don't expect me to hate you back though. It's the devil's work to hate. Why so serious rite. Enjoy hatin'.

"Let's put a smile on your face"

Chalo Brah
S.A.

Aku Seorang Tahfiz

It's been 3.5 days since lecture started and it's been pretty freakin' coz alotta freakin' things happened. Pretty freakin' right. Don't know la, maybe I'm still in breaks mode or it's simply coz I ain't done with jetlag yet.

1st day - Straight lecture the whole freakin' day. What the fuck right? It's kinda like a flight from Hawaii to Guantanamo. Heaven to hell. And bila ko pindahkan mangkuk dari air sejuk masuk air panas, mesti la mangkuk ayun tu pecah kan. Haih. I slept at 8 pm and woke up at 1 am. Damn. Then what am I supposed to do at that time except to continue the journey rite?

2nd day - Met my cuz coz I left my freakin' helmets at home. Freakin' indeed. Cane nak rempit-rempit kan. Rempit pon sayang kepala beb. I mean, macam mana nak bawak moto ninja aku ni kalo kepala aku dah hilang kan. Then I had a freakin' nice meeting with YKNW. I slept at 8 pm and woke up at 1 am. Shieeet. Woke up and had a freakin' cold shower and off to sleep again.

3rd day - Paid a visit to the workshop at 12 pm and left at 4.30 pm. Lama tak jumpa brader moto seh so borak lama r. Had to the change the rims on my Ninja coz it looks like shit could pop off anytime whenever I ride. Aku dah berat kot. Anyways, I'm cruisin' 24's now baby. Hehe. Kemudian saya pergi pasar malam dengan ATS dan rakan-rakan. Beli durian dan juga murtabaq. Ate my cold murtabak in front of my laptop alone... I slept at 9 pm and woke up at 12 am. I know. Impressive right. Tapi yang x bestnyer gua bangun kelam kabut beb. Pastu dengan rambut dan muka baru bangun tido gua, kantoi pulak dengan ini sorang awek kat tingkap. Cik loceng kenal kot. Aduss. Tp xpe. Bangun-bangun terus pegi v5 makan durian bersama Nina dan Kaloi. Uih. Sedap macam marlboro beb. Kitorang bukak pakai kaki je. Lepas tu ikut jiran-jiran pegi Selasih plak. Jumpa anney/annai/anny/annu rambut speaker sebelah je. You gotta have respect for trendsetters beb.

What a life right.

"Sedap macam Marlboro beb" - S.A.

Abang Kaw

Tauke Topup

Kungfu Panda

Chalo Brah
S.A.

Breakfast

Weird scenario.

It was only 6.50 am. The usually late pandas were already awake.

Aku plak kelas pukul 10. Mereka plak kelas pukul 9. Aku relek. Mereka huru-hara. Pastu sedang diorang suma pakai kasut kat dapur, aku pon lepak situ gak pakai kain pleket. Pastu sedang diorang ramai-ramai berangkat. Aku salam sorang-sorang sebelum diorang chow. Aku ngan is pon berdiri kat pintu masuk tu melambai-lambai tengok diorang chow.

Rasa cam situasi ibu dan ayah ngan anak-anak pulak bila diorang nak pegi sekolah. But in this case, who's the dad or mom remains a mystery. Tapi aku pakai kain pleket, is pakai seluar. Obvious ke? Tak serve diorang breakfast pon.

Anak yang paling lambat dan kecik umurnya iaitu Kecik sempat bertanya "Mak masak pe harini? Masakan feveret saya ada tak?". Ibu menjawab "Dapatkan 5-flat dulu! Ngada-ngada nak demand plak budak ni. Sekeh kang."

Off to shower.
S.A.

Sepi

I wasn't drunk or high of weed last nite but I woke up on the wrong bed with somebody else on my bed.

How could've this happened? I cover my face with my hands tryin' hard to recall what the fuck is goin' on.

Plus this is way early than I'm supposed to rise at. My freakin' neighbors still got their eyes shut. No sign of resurrection. I get off the unknown bed and make my way through the dark and silent corridor hopin' my feeble mind would somehow identify this unknown location. I reach the kitchen area but I sense sumthin' ain't right here. No food. This is the strangest scenario that I've ever seen. A kitchen with no food.

But I'm not hungry. So I creep and tip toe thru the freakin' passage alone. I hear whispers. I look around 360 degrees. Nope. No sign of living objects.

I head back to the room I woke up at in the first place. Another 360 degree view of the room. Nope. Never been here.

And so I sit down. Bersila. And move my head facing you and say:

Jika anda di rumah sorang-sorang.... kesepian... dan bertanya kepada diri anda "Hey, mana orang kat sebelah ni?", filem ini untuk anda...



p/s: lebih kurang ah kan. aku tanya suma orang, xde sorang pon ingat apa afdlin shauki cakap dalam iklan tuh. apa laa yang korang buat kat umah korang 2 bulan cuti. ish3... aku nak sambung tido ah.

Chalo Brah.
S.A.

12.00 am

Feels good to be back. =)

Glasses Up - Toast To Changes

New sem. New haircut. New boxers. New crib. New scenery. New problems. Old bike. Old friends. Old me.

It's all good.

Okayh. Kalo ikut tradisi yang aku tengok orang buat. Bila pindah masuk rumah baru yang ada tilam, kita kena buat makan-makan dan minum-minum. Kononnya nak usir anasir-anasir yang tidak suci. Tapi aku rasa orang buat makan-makan dan minum-minum sebab nak promote rumah baru beli. Tapi usah khuatir wahai pembaca-pembaca setia tahi yang suci, rumah ni aku tak beli. Kalau aku beli, aku tak pilih rumah ni. So, tiada unsur-unsur riak-riak dalam majlis makan-makan dan minum-minum rumah baru aku ni. Tapi memandangkan aku alim orangnya, aku nak buat baca-baca fatihah ngan yassin skali. Para pembaca tahi yang suci yang dihormati dijemput hadir.

Haaaaa....
So now you're prolly hyped up. You jump off your seat to tell your friends and go like "Weh weh weh... Awang nak buat makan-makan!". And then your friends get all excited and go like "Walla-walla! Jom-jom! Tapi ktne eh?". Everything turns silent.... You, your friends, cicaks, frogs, and etc go blank. Heck, even your windows media player suddenly pauses or worst it uninstalls itself automatically. Haa... Apa yang terjadi? You ask yourself slowly in your heart coz you're too frightened to speak out. Teringat lak zaman sekolah dulu kala-kala. Ada budak-budak bajet alim yang obses dengan kepercayaan karut-marut cakap kat aku "Malaikat lalu beb. Cover bahu kanan ko dowh! Nanti dia cilok pahala ko!". Pulak dah. And now you'd prolly go like "what the fuck?".

The truth about my new crib's exact latitude and longitude remains in your head like a motion of p**n you just downloaded from *** or ****. You keep askin' where? where? where? like you know you're gonna be dead by morning and that's the only question that's gonna help you cheat death. Muahaha...

This is televised from an unknown location. You are advised not to trace this location via i.p. address or google earth. Casualties are at your own risk. The goodfellas of Tahi Yang Suci's super creative production team will not be responsible for what happens prior to your sinister deeds.


So, kalau korang betul2 nak datang, aku ingat nak buat special procedure sket. 1st, korang berkumpul kat parking lot depan v4. Pastu nnt aku kelaskan korang ikut kategori pandai masak, kategori alim-aliman, kategori yang memang sah datang nak makan je, kategori orang-orang kurang upaya, dan macam-macam lagi. Mesti la yang pandai masak masuk dulu kan diikuti yang kurang upaya dan yang reti baca yassin dengan tajwid yang betul. Yang lain-lain aku consider later ah. Pastu bukan bleh masuk gitu je. Aku blindfold korang dulu, then korang kena beratur dalam satu barisan. Pegang bahu orang depan or mana-mana part ikut suka korang ah. Then baru start berarak masuk rumah baruku... kalo barisan putus, pandai-pandai ah ko cari jalan ye.

This ain't paranoid. Just caution. Who knows, some of you might break in just to snatch a couple of stuff as souvenirs. Tahi Yang Cuti Merchandise. May the holy ceremony commence. Amin.


Till next time.
S.A.

Pagi Yang Gelap

It was the type of cold chill morning where you just wake up hopin' sumthin' rosy to happen. Tailed my mom to the morning market but we parted ways like ben and j.lo once I parked the coupe. Copped a roll of NST and a nail clipper which I soon found out to be blunt. Or is it just that my nails are solid rock hard. I don't know. Headed back to the coupe where I thought I'd chill to browse the news while waitin'. Moving slowly behind me was this white stray dog. But I think she knows she's dead meat if she even tries to bite my ass. So I just strolled along the street not givin' a fuck bout the dog. Got inside the coupe and made myself comfortable. Then I looked at the dog. She moved slowly beside the coupe to another road right in front of where I parked. She stops. She positions her front legs backwards touching her hind legs. And here comes the magic show. Seriously I had no idea she was about to get potty. Kudos for her contribution to earth.

Not your typical morning scenery eh? And aku breakfast pon belum lagi. More scores for you my white friend.

Do really think dogs would understand? They'd read it as "this is ground zero".

I need more inspiration. Btw, aku rasa aku bleh nyanyi lagu sempurna tu dowh. So, aku nak menghafaz lagu itu jap lagi. Bleh karaoke. Or masuk eupho ke. LOL~

Chalo Brah.
S.A.

Aku Bukan Monyet

Okayh. I've been stylin', swaggin', roamin' and goin' places without my atm card for nearly a month now. Shieeet... ingat Ramadhan ke? Here's what happened at the bank yesterday...

Makcik Bank: What's up brother! Boleh saya bantu?
S.A.: Huh, apa kena ngan ko ni? Err... good-good... Urmm, saya nak tanya kad atm saya yang awak janji sampai 2 minggu lepas dah sampai belum?
Makcik Bank: Owh, x sampai lagi la dik. Thank you. Please try again later.
S.A.: Macam mana makcik buat keje ni? Saya ni dah x tahan tau kuar duit pakai buku bank nih. Sebab balik umah nnt saya kena sorok buku ni supaya x jatuh ke tangan yang salah...
Makcik Bank: Contoh orang itu?
S.A.: My mom kot. Kalau dia dapat baca cash flow dalam buku ni, saya dengan makcik sekali dia cekik tau.
Makcik Bank: Bahaya ni dik.
S.A.: Tau pon! Mana kadnyer?
Makcik Bank: Err... ok. Esok adik datang lagi. Mesti dah ada punya. Nah 10 adik buat duit minyak ye. Security!
Elephant-sized security guards stomped in and dragged me outside of the bank. Shieeet. What a day.

Okay, went there the next day. "Halo Makcik, mana kad saya?" and she went like "Holy Shit! (Tahi Yang Suci) Saya tertinggal kat umah saya la dik. Meh ikut cik pegi amik kat umah jap. Tak jauh pon." and I was like "Okayh, jom. Janji dapat kad tu". Hopped inside her coupe and we cruised off to her crib. Followed her inside the minute we got there. BAM! The door closed shut right after I stepped inside. And then the lights went off. Shieeet. It's a fuckin' booby-trap! My head went 360 degrees lookin' for an exit. Shieet. It was too dark. Then I heard a sinister laughter. Muahaha Ngeh ngeh ngeh muahaha ngeh ngeh ngeh. Ulang sekali lagi. The lights went on again and I was in this kamasutra-candlelight-decorated bedroom. And the makcik was standin' right next to the bed in a sexy Indian Sari. Shit doesn't look good. I have no idea what she's tryna do. I'm still a virgin. I just want my card and get my ass out. My head went another 360 degrees lookin' for my freakin' atm card. AHHA... It was on the bed. Jumped towards it. Just when I was about to get my hands on the card, makcik bank tuh bagi stonecold stunner kat aku. Jatuh gedebush... She gave me an injection. Drugs I guess. The last thing I saw before I dosed off was the makcik's freakin' smile. Just imagine, dia senyum lebar gila sampaikan mulut dia cecah kening beb. Freaky rite.

Tidaaaaaaaaak
Tidaaaaaaaak
Tidaaaaaaak
Tidaaaaaak
Tidaaaaak
Tidaaaak
Tidaaak
Tidaak
Tidak
Tida
Tid
Ti
T



Woke up sweating like a guinea pig. Macam lumba lari dengan Asafa Powell pulak... Lucky me, nightmare je. Shieet. X dapat pon kad. The crazy bank bitch dream was really scary. Kutanya datuk harimau pukul berapa. Dia mengaum. Dia x pakai baju. Dia xde jam. Dia ada bulu. Dia xde tangan. Aku ada tangan. Aku ada jam. Tapi bukan jam dinding. Ini jam tangan. Tapi bukan dekat tangan. Aku letak bawah bantal. Tapi xde bawah bantal. Ada bawah katil. Aku capai pakai tangan. Aku bukan monyet. Tapi tangan aku panjang. Kuteliti jamku. 11am. Mandi-mandi... kena pegi airport bukak puasa!



Till next time.
S.A.

Another Holiday Ruined

Got my grades and you know what to expect. Expect the unexpected...
Here's what I've got to say;

Everything's outta control, this ain't the world I know
Politicians sold their soul, for the gold and the dough
I ain't spittin' any names, ~ I know you read em daily
monopoly, conspiracy, seems like everybody's phony
Sick of "Who's side are you on?", that's why I'm apathetic
But no matter how I try, to run and to hide from it
I just can't help it, I keep askin' "who did it?"
Politic here is shit, ~ it's over, ~ flush it
No, I'm not perfect, my life's even more twisted
Look at my grades, ~ tell me how is it perfect
End of every semester, I promised to try harder
But ain't shit changed, it ain't gettin' no better
The pain ain't seen but felt like internal bleeding
It's growing at the same rate as my heart is beating
But they say the show must go on, so I stay fuelin'
Haih, I guess it's just another holiday ruined.

I wonder what my parent's got to say. They never run out of ammo to melt our ear wax (ayat sape eh ni?), do they? Belajar masa kursus kawen dulu kot.

Chalo brah
S.A.

Flat

Dalam dunia ni ada banyak jenis flat. Ada yang serendah 2 tingkat dan ada yang setinggi 10 tingkat. Ada orang suka cakap, "Hey Apu, potong kasi flat-top!". Ada orang bersusah-payah nak dapatkan 4-flat supaya mak bapak dia xleh nak marah bila dia buat dosa, balik rumah pukul 3 pagi atau tido satu hari. Sounds familiar eh?

And all that ramblin' about flat leads to this story bout a flat tyre. I call him Toyo. Toyo is a 14-inch tyre. His job is to keep my dad's Kelisa to cruise smooth and look cool on the road. Toyo has 4 siblings; himself, Taji, Toya, and Togo. His place on the car is at the driver's part. He's the most hardworking round creature that I've ever seen in my whole life. Cuba pikir. No matter how many passengers the coupe carries, 6 ke 4 ke sorang ke, Toyo punya side paling berat. Berat mata memandang, berat lagi bahu Toyo memikul. I guess after years of rough cruisin', it's time for Toyo to fall sick. The fella fell flat to the floor. Even superheroes bleed right. Right timing also, my brother was drivin' the coupe to fetch my sis from skool. Glad it wasn't me. Well it wouldn't be any different if it was me except for the words we'd use to describe the scenario. Well, all good things come to an end anyway. So, bein' the dude I am, I dragged my ass all the way to the crime scene. CSI is in the house...

Diagnosing Toyo.


Gettin' my hands dirty.


That's what you get for being so hard to fix.


So, what do you do when there's nothin' you can do? Resort for help dude. Don't front like you're even near to perfection muhf**kah...


Smile at the camera. You gon be famous after this dawg.

My autographed Malique CD just came in. Niceness. I'll blog about it later...

Chalo brah
S.A.

Jalan Tunku Abdul Rahman

I paid Sogo a visit with the whole fam (Who says rappers can't be family dudes?) coz there's a sale goin' on. Tried on this, tried on that, and even tried her. Never mind the last one. And that was the last detail I remembered. The next thing I knew, I was standing in front of Globe's Store. Shiet, how the fuck I got here? I don't know. What you should know, I was alone and I had a Sogo plastic bag in my hand. I stood still while all these X-files rated conspiracy theories rushed my brain. There was this one interesting theory though; I was drugged by a sexy cashier coz she wanted to give me a super special discount plus some free gifts but I refused her offer coz my wallet was overflowin' with cash at that time. She kept on insisting, I kept on refusing. She got mad coz her magic did'nt work on me (there's only one person who can do that. YKWYA) and I guess that's how I ended up knocked out and thrown to the streets of TAR in front of Globe. But it's all theories. Shiet, I hope it's true coz I kinda liked the twist. Nonbelievers can walk this way to hell.

Look at the legs with no bodies. Freaky huh?


You should try it sometime. Walkin' all alone in KL city at night. Good for your eyesight dowh if you know what I mean lah.


Freakin' Sogo plastic bag. Xleh recycle beb. Hazardous shiet.

Could'nt stand the freakin' freaky spot, so I geared off to pick up Mal. And then headed to The Castle. Jumpa Tmot ngan gang dia beb. Troy ngan Akay datang lambat. Janji kol 11, dtg kol 12.15. Syal je... Pastu ada pakcik datang mintak sedekah. Mal, Akay, ngan Troy suma hulur singgit sorang. Aku sorang je x hulur. Pakcik tuh usya slack aku macam nak pukul aku pakai tongkat dia. Honestly, I don't think he's that old. 1st, cuba pikir, he was wandering around at 1am, dudes at his age don't last that long. 2nd, pandai plak dia pilih tempat tuh, dah r rata2 suma pak arab yang x cakap melayu. So, macam mana dia nak menagih simpati dari diorang. Mesti r dia cakap omputeh kn. Dah-dah... I tau pakcik tua ni tgh baca blog aku sekarang ni. Dgr sini, sudah sudahlah tu. Aku tau ko dah kaya tiap-tiap malam kutip duit... Shitty shiet. I love my brain.

Chalo brah
S.A.

Newton's 3rd Law

Every freakin' action has a freakin' reaction. Pretty freakin' rite.

Well, I kinda told a couple of my freakin' friends to check this blog of mine. Tahi Yang Suci. Say it proudly. And here are the various freakin' reactions I managed to collect from muh freakin' friends. Check em out:

Blog kau ke ni?
Mangkuk jamban ni mesti tak nampak gambar aku depan Stabak kt tepi tuh.

Bapak buruk nama blog kau...
Bapak aku hensem. Bapak kau kot.

Nice words you used there...
Yes. Only the holiest words for this holy blog.

Jap...
It means wait.

Xde nama lain ke?
Nak aku pakai nama kau ke?

Wah... macam Naila punya piggy tu eh?
What the fuck? Lain laa... ni kaler hitam.

Mende ni?
Kuih untuk bagi otak kau makan.

Wah... banyak masa kau eh?
Well, I got time...

Wah... terer ko buat ayat eh?
Ko x reti buat ayat ke?

Lagu baru ke?
Apa benda engkau ngarut nih?

And here's a video, check out the black dude. He went like "Holy Shit"! Thanks for the shout out dude. And no, I hate Israel.

Till next time.
S.A.