Aku Bukan Monyet

Okayh. I've been stylin', swaggin', roamin' and goin' places without my atm card for nearly a month now. Shieeet... ingat Ramadhan ke? Here's what happened at the bank yesterday...

Makcik Bank: What's up brother! Boleh saya bantu?
S.A.: Huh, apa kena ngan ko ni? Err... good-good... Urmm, saya nak tanya kad atm saya yang awak janji sampai 2 minggu lepas dah sampai belum?
Makcik Bank: Owh, x sampai lagi la dik. Thank you. Please try again later.
S.A.: Macam mana makcik buat keje ni? Saya ni dah x tahan tau kuar duit pakai buku bank nih. Sebab balik umah nnt saya kena sorok buku ni supaya x jatuh ke tangan yang salah...
Makcik Bank: Contoh orang itu?
S.A.: My mom kot. Kalau dia dapat baca cash flow dalam buku ni, saya dengan makcik sekali dia cekik tau.
Makcik Bank: Bahaya ni dik.
S.A.: Tau pon! Mana kadnyer?
Makcik Bank: Err... ok. Esok adik datang lagi. Mesti dah ada punya. Nah 10 adik buat duit minyak ye. Security!
Elephant-sized security guards stomped in and dragged me outside of the bank. Shieeet. What a day.

Okay, went there the next day. "Halo Makcik, mana kad saya?" and she went like "Holy Shit! (Tahi Yang Suci) Saya tertinggal kat umah saya la dik. Meh ikut cik pegi amik kat umah jap. Tak jauh pon." and I was like "Okayh, jom. Janji dapat kad tu". Hopped inside her coupe and we cruised off to her crib. Followed her inside the minute we got there. BAM! The door closed shut right after I stepped inside. And then the lights went off. Shieeet. It's a fuckin' booby-trap! My head went 360 degrees lookin' for an exit. Shieet. It was too dark. Then I heard a sinister laughter. Muahaha Ngeh ngeh ngeh muahaha ngeh ngeh ngeh. Ulang sekali lagi. The lights went on again and I was in this kamasutra-candlelight-decorated bedroom. And the makcik was standin' right next to the bed in a sexy Indian Sari. Shit doesn't look good. I have no idea what she's tryna do. I'm still a virgin. I just want my card and get my ass out. My head went another 360 degrees lookin' for my freakin' atm card. AHHA... It was on the bed. Jumped towards it. Just when I was about to get my hands on the card, makcik bank tuh bagi stonecold stunner kat aku. Jatuh gedebush... She gave me an injection. Drugs I guess. The last thing I saw before I dosed off was the makcik's freakin' smile. Just imagine, dia senyum lebar gila sampaikan mulut dia cecah kening beb. Freaky rite.

Tidaaaaaaaaak
Tidaaaaaaaak
Tidaaaaaaak
Tidaaaaaak
Tidaaaaak
Tidaaaak
Tidaaak
Tidaak
Tidak
Tida
Tid
Ti
T



Woke up sweating like a guinea pig. Macam lumba lari dengan Asafa Powell pulak... Lucky me, nightmare je. Shieet. X dapat pon kad. The crazy bank bitch dream was really scary. Kutanya datuk harimau pukul berapa. Dia mengaum. Dia x pakai baju. Dia xde jam. Dia ada bulu. Dia xde tangan. Aku ada tangan. Aku ada jam. Tapi bukan jam dinding. Ini jam tangan. Tapi bukan dekat tangan. Aku letak bawah bantal. Tapi xde bawah bantal. Ada bawah katil. Aku capai pakai tangan. Aku bukan monyet. Tapi tangan aku panjang. Kuteliti jamku. 11am. Mandi-mandi... kena pegi airport bukak puasa!



Till next time.
S.A.