MERDEKA

Happy Birthday Malaysia!!!

Live on...


Chalo Brah
S.A.

The Wheels On The Bus Goes Round And Round

Word. Been a while since I traded my red ten's for a scribbled piece of paper and a seat on a bus. Too much hitchhiking, I totally forgot how it felt to be a backpacker. (Blame Troy, Tmot ngan Mal) =P... Thanks-a-milli ar Akay coz hantar aku. He sacrificed his nap time just so I could make it on the bus ride. I thought it was gonna be a lonesome journey. Guess not. Couple of minutes after I sat my ass down at the bus station, Cha datang. And a couple of minutes after Cha sat his ass down at the bus station, Chong datang. And a couple of minutes after Chong sat his precious ass down at the bus station, ada lagi datang tapi tak kenal. So, in the end there were three happy utp asses kissing the floors of the bus station.

Fast forward...
Hopped on the bus...
Sayonara to the bus station...
Welcome to dreamland...


............................


3 hours later...
Kuala Lumpur... Kuala Lumpur...
Datang dari jauh... Maruah dipertaruh...
Dengan impian untuk berjaya...
(Playlist suddenly jumps to 'Aku di Kuala Lumpur' by Malique)
Eyes wide open...

Through the bus window I saw the glorified Twin Tower sights, the cramped crowd of mixed colours, the cursed traffic jams, and them glorified sexy light taned ladies in cursed mini skirts. Nah... kidding. Puasa lorh. Anyways, it felt real goooooood to be back in my holy city of sins. They say "...it's not where you from, it's where you at that matters...". True but we gotta stay grounded and stick to our roots rite. Shieet, patriotic la plak. Be proud of where you're from! If not, you can kiss what the bus station just kissed. OK.

Not exactly a spot I'd suggest but boley laa...


Cha tak nampak tong sampah tepi tu.


I ain't frontin'. Get it?


He ain't either. We coo coo like that.


Guest Model: Cha

CEO of TYS : Ya boy...

And owh. I was just about to board the LRT when I realized I did'nt tell my mom yet I was coming home for the weekend. Cool rite?


Chalo Brah
S.A.

Bumi Suka Pusing

TRONOH: Rupa-rupanya kami di jabatan tahi yang suci telah salah kiblat selama ini... Pelik tapi benar. Patut ah banyak je masalah yang jatuh macam durian runtuh sejak dua minggu first ni... Tak berkat kot. Dah la semayang xtau khusyuk ke x kan, pastu salah kiblat lagi. Siapakah orang yang patut kita aju soalan panas "What the fuck?!". Lebih menggerunkan, orang yang telah membetulkan arah kiblat itu ialah Chong.

Ada banyak kemungkinan bagaimana fenomena ni terjadi. Ikuti diskusi berikuti...

1. Kekurangan pendedahan agama.
Tapi Kecik ngan Troy amik IS dowh sem ni.

2. Ketiadaan compass.
Tapi Kalai ngan Nami macuk kelab Kembara. Bukankah dak2 kembara ni boleh tentukan utara-selatan guna sepuntung rokok?

3. Terlalu ikut nafsu.
Maybe, time first2 sampai dulu, mereka tak sabar nak gi makan. So, main hentam je kiblat.

4. Tiada siapa tahu.
Dengan lokasi yang begitu strategik camni, takkan rakan masjid yang jalan kaki ke masjid tak nampak kitorang semayang salah arah kan.

5. Gerakan Plate Tektonik.
When plate meets plate, that's geoscience. When plate meets spoon, that's house-stair science. Eh, tapi tak mungkin ah sbb plate tektonik sebab rumah ni ada Is si pakar geoscience aka pendota masyhur.

Nafsu...

Mal ada senapang. Dia dulu cita-cita nak jadi Hitman tapi tak jadi sebab kena botak.

"Kenapalah aku jahil sangat... sob-sob..."

"Sebab ko ah aku salah kiblat!!"

Till next time.
S.A.

Glasses Up - Toast To Changes

New sem. New haircut. New boxers. New crib. New scenery. New problems. Old bike. Old friends. Old me.

It's all good.

Okayh. Kalo ikut tradisi yang aku tengok orang buat. Bila pindah masuk rumah baru yang ada tilam, kita kena buat makan-makan dan minum-minum. Kononnya nak usir anasir-anasir yang tidak suci. Tapi aku rasa orang buat makan-makan dan minum-minum sebab nak promote rumah baru beli. Tapi usah khuatir wahai pembaca-pembaca setia tahi yang suci, rumah ni aku tak beli. Kalau aku beli, aku tak pilih rumah ni. So, tiada unsur-unsur riak-riak dalam majlis makan-makan dan minum-minum rumah baru aku ni. Tapi memandangkan aku alim orangnya, aku nak buat baca-baca fatihah ngan yassin skali. Para pembaca tahi yang suci yang dihormati dijemput hadir.

Haaaaa....
So now you're prolly hyped up. You jump off your seat to tell your friends and go like "Weh weh weh... Awang nak buat makan-makan!". And then your friends get all excited and go like "Walla-walla! Jom-jom! Tapi ktne eh?". Everything turns silent.... You, your friends, cicaks, frogs, and etc go blank. Heck, even your windows media player suddenly pauses or worst it uninstalls itself automatically. Haa... Apa yang terjadi? You ask yourself slowly in your heart coz you're too frightened to speak out. Teringat lak zaman sekolah dulu kala-kala. Ada budak-budak bajet alim yang obses dengan kepercayaan karut-marut cakap kat aku "Malaikat lalu beb. Cover bahu kanan ko dowh! Nanti dia cilok pahala ko!". Pulak dah. And now you'd prolly go like "what the fuck?".

The truth about my new crib's exact latitude and longitude remains in your head like a motion of p**n you just downloaded from *** or ****. You keep askin' where? where? where? like you know you're gonna be dead by morning and that's the only question that's gonna help you cheat death. Muahaha...

This is televised from an unknown location. You are advised not to trace this location via i.p. address or google earth. Casualties are at your own risk. The goodfellas of Tahi Yang Suci's super creative production team will not be responsible for what happens prior to your sinister deeds.


So, kalau korang betul2 nak datang, aku ingat nak buat special procedure sket. 1st, korang berkumpul kat parking lot depan v4. Pastu nnt aku kelaskan korang ikut kategori pandai masak, kategori alim-aliman, kategori yang memang sah datang nak makan je, kategori orang-orang kurang upaya, dan macam-macam lagi. Mesti la yang pandai masak masuk dulu kan diikuti yang kurang upaya dan yang reti baca yassin dengan tajwid yang betul. Yang lain-lain aku consider later ah. Pastu bukan bleh masuk gitu je. Aku blindfold korang dulu, then korang kena beratur dalam satu barisan. Pegang bahu orang depan or mana-mana part ikut suka korang ah. Then baru start berarak masuk rumah baruku... kalo barisan putus, pandai-pandai ah ko cari jalan ye.

This ain't paranoid. Just caution. Who knows, some of you might break in just to snatch a couple of stuff as souvenirs. Tahi Yang Cuti Merchandise. May the holy ceremony commence. Amin.


Till next time.
S.A.