Pada Suatu Hari

Yesterday was an okay laa day... Kecik (nama sebenar) was in town. Dia ajak aku sama Troy (nama sebenar gak) turun KLCC lepak-lepak... Aku pon setuju sebab kebetulan Mak aku baru isi minyak kereta pagi tuh. Got off my fuckin' bed, grabbed the car keys and drove off like a muhfucka... Tiba2 I went like "Holy Shit!". I forgot it was freakin' Monday. So, I got stuck in a ass burning traffic jam. Just imagine, 3 pm, hot as hell, the radio is playing sucky songs, and you're surrounded by ugly people who think they drive lambos. Reached KLCC an hour later... Walked inside the mall, met Troy and Kecik. Kitorang lepak depan itu Starbucks dulu sementara nak tunggu movie pukul 6.30 pm... Kecik bawa kuar kotak Marlboro and pastu takkan aku tengok je kan... Aku tgk kt tempat kitorang lepak tu ada banyak gak orang lain lepak gak. Aku pon pikir mana Malaysia nak maju kalo suma orang keje lepak je... 6.30 pon kitorang pegi masuk wayang tengok citer Get Smart. Man, this movie really got me laughing through out the play. Plus you get to feast your ugly eyes on the god damn pretty Anne Hathaway. Sexy too. It's basicly bout a genius geek who works at a spy agency. Kinda reminds me of Mr. Bean's Johnny English a bit... Movie ended 8.30 pm. So by basic law, we as the knuckleheads we are should be fuckin' starvin' at this time. Troy ajak makan kt Melawati, aku ngan Kecik angguk-angguk je kepala macam patung anjing yang orang selalu letak kat dashboard kereta diorang... Sebelum kitorang gerak pegi kedai makan tuh, aku pegi singgah itu CIMB jap nak menggemukkan dompet aku. Aku bawak keluar kad atm dari dompet dan terus jolok masuk itu mesin tanpa kucup kad tu dulu. Kt screen tulis kad anda sedang disahkan. 30 saat berlalu. 180 saat pulak lalu. The screen's still kad anda sedang disahkan. Aku pon panas. Aku nak duit aku. Sedang aku asyik memanaskan badan nak terajang mesin atm tu, tiba-tiba kuar sorang akak ni dari pejabat CIMB yang dah tutup tu. Aku pon pelik apa la yang dia buat berdua dlm tu td dgn pak guard bank. Ish2... Tp kad aku tgh tersekat dlm mesin tuh. So, aku pon tanya akak tu "Kak, kad saya tersekat tuh. Cane ek?". Pastu akak tu pon pandang aku sambil kibas rambut dia mcm iklan syampoo dan berkata "Nanti esok adik dtg amik ek..." dgn tone suara yang lembut gila. Tiba2 je aku dah x rasa risau pasal kad tu dan terus chow dari CIMB tuh. But then I had the parking ticket to pay. Owh shit. It all summed up to rm10. Owh shit owh shit. I opened up my wallet. 1st
look, ada rm3 je. I closed it and opened it up again, ada rm13 pulak. Tanpa berfikir panjang dan terkejut beruk lama-lama aku pon bayar je parking tuh sebab Troy dah gerak dulu pegi kedai makan kt Melawati tuh. Met up with the dudes at the restaurant and ordered myself some chicken rice. As we were eating, this old dude approached our table. I thought he was gonna say "What's up nigguh!" coz his facial expression was freakin' scary. Tp dia bagi salam elok-elok pulak instead. Kitorang pon jawab salam tuh serentak macam boy band terkenal dari mana ntah. Pastu dia keluarkan set Yassin dia nak jual kt kitorang. Aku pon mula r terpikir dalam byk-byk meja kt kedai ni, kenapa dia target kitorang? Kemungkinan 1#; kami bertiga muka baik-baik. Easy target r dia ingat. Kemungkinan 2#; dia dapat sense kitorang ni tak alim mana so dia pon kononnya nk sedarkan kitorang. Tapi kalo nak sedarkan kitorang, sepatutnya dia bagi free je la kan. Xtau r. After the meal, we headed straight to this spot me and Troy call UAE (United Arab Emirates) for our weekly dosage of syisya. I'm tellin' ya, this place is fuckin' awesome. Real underground beb. The waiters here don't talk malay. So kena cakap omputeh beb. Dope. Kecik yang 1st time datang sini jelas menunjukkan ekspresi muka yang terkejut gila babi wa cakap. Mulut dia nganga je beb 5 minit pertama kitorang sampai. Troy pulak muka bangga je sebab dia yang introduce kitorang tempat tuh. Kitorang pon borak r pasal macam-macam dengan asap berkepul-kepul sampai pukul 12.30 am. Pastu balik. The end.

God damn. I must be some kind of genius to be able to write all that shit down. It was fun typing though...
Till next time.
S.A.